To the friend I met on Instagram
I checked in on her because I knew she’d just had a baby and gone back to work. I wanted to make sure she was okay. Was it for her comfort or my own? I couldn’t tell.
She told me she was overwhelmed. She was being honest. And to be honest, I wasn’t expecting that. I thought she’d tell me she was doing great, she was feeling fine, and life’s a daisy. Not because that’s what was expected of her, but because, otherwise, the conversation would need to carry on. I would surely ask further, and she would have to tell me more.
I was not a close friend, we met on Instagram. I tried to show empathy for the stage of life that she was going through. Motherhood, individualism, and ticking time - they all become too much sometimes. I wanted to offer hope and suggest that it will pass. But how do I convey that without belittling her reality?
I’m happy and at peace with it all… now, I said.
She generously asked, what’s your secret?
***
I’ve gone back to my journals, trying to piece back together the place I was at, and how far I’ve come.
I’d heard a rumour that a personality can form as early as 7 years old. When my daughter was about 6.5, I started therapy. I was hoping I’d get the sessions done and then undo any damage I’d passed on to her, all within 6 months.
It was a few years ago, I remember completing a self assessment before my sessions and there was a question about sleep. Did I have difficulty sleeping, it asked. And I answered a decisive no. I didn’t have difficulty sleeping. When the therapist saw my response, she was surprised.
Really? She said, because it’s one of the typical ways trauma manifests itself - lack of sleep or inability to fall asleep. I assured her, my sleep was fine.
After we completed our sessions, I could no longer sleep.
We probably uncovered a lot more during those few months than I would have otherwise surfaced in a lifetime. I was a wreck following every session. Sleep became an issue. Anger became an issue. Those things I’d been diligently storing away — they were all there, out in the open, all at once.
***
The 6 month plan didn’t work. And almost 3 years later, here we are.
I’m not sure if there is a secret answer. But to the friend I met on Instagram, I know that there is no easy answer.